Mike's Dance Barn (a literal dance barn) was on the side of the road somewhere in Indiana between Bloomington and Nashville. Our rented Chevy Tahoe only had 300 miles on it when we pulled out of the Indianapolis airport, but it was raining and had been raining and the SUV's sparkle was covered in splatter by the time we arrived. We sat in the dirt (mud) parking lot and gazed across the way at the check in tent. Eventually we all darted through the mud and grass to the check in. There was no room for people under the tent, and we checked in standing under the runoff from the tent roof. A lean forward meant runoff down the back of the neck. A lean back meant runoff on the face. Standing still meant runoff on the top of your head. I knew then and there that the Dances With Dirt Race organizers had very little regard for the participant's comfort and well being.
The Terrain
The 2009 Gnaw Bone Dances With Dirt 100k Relay is all about stupidity. The waiver mentions death 3 times, not because the waiver is stupid, but the event is about making runners do stupid stuff. Yes, there is a trail. But yes, instead of running on it, we bushwhacked through the woods of this Indiana state park through mud, up and down creeks, across rivers, etc. There were 5 of us running 15 legs. Excerpts from the leg descriptions include:
"An aimless trek through the woods with funky footing, thorns and big hills and rivers. Head north back where the previous runner came in, a big climb then run the thorny ridge then a bushwhack down to the river, right in the river a hundred yards or so then to the highway..."
"...down a ton of steps to shatter your quads, then bushwhack up and down a serious hill to a mucked up horse trail filled with horse remnants, muddy hoof prints and several creek crossings (rivers if it rains)."
"... bushwhack 0.4 miles into the woods down to the creek, then, crawl up the creek about 3/4 mile to the CRACK OF DOOM log pile and cliff climb (this will piss you off!)."
As you can see it is anything but normal trail running. I fell multiple times, as did my teammates. My first leg, which happened to be the start of the race, started out by crossing a creek, running through the muddy marsh with grasses up to your knees, then up a double black diamond ski run... in the mud. At the top was a nice trail, but instead we bushwhacked across about a mile and popped out going down a blue square ski run. Then up a blue square. Then bushwhack some more, down a black diamond back to a muddy marsh, cross a creek, and then cross back on a bridge, then cross back in the water, and back on a bridge (?). When I finished I think the first words to my teammates were "there was absolutely no point in that run, other than to fall, get lost, and get really dirty. Man was it fun!"
Neil At The Finish Line
The inside of our Chevy Tahoe soon looked like the outside, despite our best efforts to keep it clean. Our team finished in just under 9 hours - 10th overall. My leg is officially shot. I started the event with a strained calf, and now I'm pretty sure I did more damage than just a strain. As long as it is better by the Pikes Peak Ascent, I'm ok with that. :)
Le Team: Cinco Gringos Locos
Shelley, Me, Dana, John, and Neil
